I dream about you every single day, until we meet again…
You are from love and arrived at a special moment in time. A Mercury Retrograde fell on the calendar date of March 21st, 2012. It was the Year of the Water Dragon in China and the first day of Spring in Long Beach, California. You were born into this world as a Dragon, just like your fire-breathin’ MahMah, mixed with my blood. Endless sweat and tears from your DuhDuh the Water Ox. The first sign on the zodiac star chart is you, an Aries. You and me, Vincente, we share that same Aries star sign. You and me, two Rams who should be butting heads. Butt you… you always got your way. Completely unspoiled.
A special moment in time, then and since, Vince. Lots of magical moments… too hard to put into words. Yeah. You had to be there and you were there.
I was always there, buddy. The pregnancy test, all those ultrasounds, your heartbeat inside the womb along with lots and lots of kicks and hiccups. DuhDuh made sure to be there for everything and especially on the day you were born, I positioned myself just right to capture whatever I could. I caught you at that first moment, the instant you blasted off. Nailed it.
Each and every step of the way I was there, I promise. You had a normal dad.
Little man… early 2012 to 2015.
In 2012, I was lucky enough to become your father (a stay-at-home parent at that) and for those first years of your life, breakfast, lunch and dinner were our top priorities. You ate every bite on your plate. No waste. Your first word happened to be “hi” and the first sentence? I got you to say “I love you.” Those first steps were assisted with a pushcart and we worked on it. We got you running and riding bikes and skateboarding like a cool dude.
Your first everything… we experienced together.
We played, we went out and learned things all dang day. We had fun while your mother busted her tail in the rat race. MahMah provided much of the money, honey. That is true.
But, hey! We busted tail too, Vinny. Together we edited an entire feature-length movie, from start to finish. You and me, pal. You became the most patient, wonderful kid. I know you have skills. Look at you go!
It didn’t take long for the father and son dynamic duo to prove themselves! That very first year, you brought the luck, little man. We shared a special day when all our hard work paid off. Bank Roll had a World Premiere showing at the New Beverly, red carpets and all. We took you there for a kiddie matinee one weekend, too. The theatre is currently owned and operated by one of DuhDuh’s favorite directors – Quentin Tarantino. And this week-long event was put on by the Hollywood Reel Independent Film Festival. I introduced you to some groovy people. You weren’t a co-star that day, boy. You were the star. My super duper lucky star.
Cool dudes. Best friends. A father and his son. A kid and his dad.
Butt-Butt-Butt… when I should have realized all my dreams came true, I could not stop a battle with my imagination, imagining life without you. Losing you got stuck in my mind because there had been a huge tragedy at an elementary school. December 14th, 2012 – only two short days after we were attended the Hollywood Reel Independent Film Festival.
Butt-Butt-Butt… on the other side of the country? A shooting. Some type of mentally unstable-minded fool did horrible things only a few miles from where DuhDuh was born, the details were still coming out. I tried to ignore what everyone was hurting over, not just our county, the world. The world mourned for a number of innocent children taken from their friends and families too early. I couldn’t help imagining the worst. I have an over-active imagination.
My imagination ran wild. My imagination ran way too wild. Yeah, I had to let it go there every once in a while. I felt grateful and never took anything for granted with you and our brief time together, from 2012 into 2015. Maybe I manifested everything on some level? Manifested my own pain and my son’s confusion.
Tragedy strikes… mid 2012.
You were barely four months old. Reports of a theatre shooting in Aurora, Colorado filled all television channels. The second Batman movie had been released the night before and instead of hearing about spoilers, we woke up to news saying people might be scared to go to the movies. I posted our response to Facebook, an innocent angel wearing a Batman jumper.
And we left it at that.
Now Two Tragedies… Late 2012.
The theatre shooting… then an elementary school shooting? For whatever reason, our news and our world became bombarded with big events on a level I had never seen before. You would take an afternoon nap and I would check out the latest from online news sources. Typing in “Sandy Hook” brought up an autofill from search engines: “Sandy Hook… hoax”
Wait, what? People were talking about how this could be a HOAX? It seemed as though hundreds, not a handful, Vincente… hundreds of people were making chatter on a few of these events being government operations. At first, your jaw drops. You see a video that looks real. Another one, then another and another. Smooth, silky voices telling you about coverups, false flags, hoaxes, ritualistic killings by the elite societies.
I thought of the children at Sandy Hook… and the parents… and their losses.
The beginning of the end… that is what came about, buddy. I researched it and researched it and researched the event and hoped nothing happened that day. I got sucked into another universe I never intended to be a part of, Vince. I got sucked and suckered by Hoaxers. They did magic tricks, put out some false information, fooled a lot of people. DuhDuh wanted to believe the cult conspiracy world. My thinking seemed innocent enough.
“If those kids didn’t die in a public school at the hands of a madman, then good! Nothing to worry about, because neither will my son. These things cannot happen or be real. So there’s no way something like Sandy Hook happened. It’s not real.”
This line of thinking quickly changed once I got to know the Hoaxers and the games they were running. I knew they were bad individuals. So I ran with these people, pretending to be a full-blown Hoaxer. Easy as pie, I had an acting background. And I aligned myself with some of the worst losers on the internet and played the part. I used them filmmakin’ skills to make my own slick videos. I established myself as an award-winning director at this point and began labeling myself as “underground filmmaker” – DuhDuh never sold out and didn’t need to ever again. I could make my own career choices… my own moves and I had nothing to lose.
I received “thanks” credit on a YouTube video and I what did I do? I got the bright idea to make the video presentation legit. I’m the one who uploaded and added information to IMDb about the Sandy Hook parents and those associated with the mass shooting. I linked videos, articles, blog posts, photos, other YouTube Channels… information to IMDb? Yeah, tons of info. Nobody had done it before and it took right off because I made the project look legit. I even helped design the poster image. Believe me, I’m a hard-hitting Aries Ram too, Vincente. But I stretched the truth and listed some cheap YouTube video as a “documentary.”
Butt-butt-butt… but I’m the four-one-one. Information. Back in the day, everyone dialed 4-1-1 to get an information operator on their phone. I’ve always been about information. Did I chose this information path over yours, Vincente? Bad information over good?
Your mother gave me a choice one late evening as I researched different events. The choice seemed cut and dry: the online conspiracy cult or our little family. I chose what I chose because… there was no choice. I got tangled up with Hoaxers. I got mixed up with some bad online criminals and there was no turning back. Crooks and con-men were making money off of other people’s losses, off of other people’s pain. Criminals had our names, phone numbers, our address, they knew our friends and family. MahMah didn’t understand how a cult worked, or maybe she did? MahMah gave me an “us or them” type choice. I chose humanity. That’s what I told your mom, “I choose humanity.”
A bag had been packed and I was forced out that night.
Other things contributed to your parent’s split. In the end, “us or them” is what appeared on the surface.
Sorry, little man. I got in pretty deep. Can’t explain why I did what I did or why we haven’t seen each other in forever. Make no mistake about it, Vincente… you were stolen. You got taken away from me so early, for nothing. Be that as it may, you’re four now and DuhDuh is forty-three. We will see each other again soon. I know it. And this will take some major un-doing and doing, as we lose precious time we could have had together. Each continuing day presents a new challenge, an uphill battle butt… for you, Vincente Maguire, I am all in.
A dedication to you and the journey/journal back to us…